I just turned 27 and I feel old. I don’t know what happened in the last week but I feel different. I use to have it in my mind I was a young chicken with little kids and I started early and I have this limber body that can handle anything. My husband and most my friends are several years older than me and it’s always given me this feeling of young innocence in comparison. My husband was telling me about a coworker and how he didn’t understand something he was doing and then he said “I forget he is 22 and in a different generation then me” and I sat there shocked to realize that I’m not part of the young generation anymore. I have a hard time thinking about what the future will be like, I don’t day dream of me or my kids getting older. I tend to focus on the now and not what is to come. Really the most thinking ahead I do is when I see my oldest child on a stage preforming and I wonder what my younger kids will be like at the age. Like, what will my two year old be like when he starts school? Ok that’s not true I dread what he will be like in school. So I never imagined myself as 27. In all honesty I never imagined myself with kids or really doing any of the stuff that has led me to 27.
I remember in high school just thinking of the days ahead of me, not the years. I thought that living a single life with only concern for myself and the few friends I had was going to be my whole life. I imagined myself living in a small apartment or house forever, never in serious relationships or having kids but I also remember thinking I would get bored of that. I didn’t realize there was so much more to life, this is sad but I can literally be quoted saying “I should die at 26 because I can’t imagine there will be anything fun to do after that.” Also “I don’t think I’ll have kids because I don’t what to push a kid out of there.” High school me would be in shock to know I love being 27 even if it is a little weird. High school me would probably die if she knew she pushed out three babies sans epidural and was completely empowered by it. But I think the most shocking thing for high school me would be that I learned to love, not just love but to trust and give unselfishly, I continually rip down walls to find growth in me that I always wanted in high school but never understood. So while I’m still not sure I’ll ever imagine a 40 year old Kandice, I’m finding that there are way cooler things to do at 27 than I ever thought.
A list of 27 things high school me would be shocked to know I have actually done. Mostly because I just like making lists.
- I let my kids puke on me. Gross right, but what are you going to do when they are puking and want comforted, put a towel on your chest and let them barf all over it.
- Birth 3 babies
- Get married. I literally thought I was going to be single forever.
- Run a half marathon.
- Haven’t done much yet but it’s high on my list when were are out of debt.
- Fall in love with Disneyland.
- Enjoy running, I mean come on I really do like it.
- Be a dance mom.
- Own a home
- Hate being a dance mom.
- Have two little boys to raise.
- Own a minivan.
- Who are we kidding own a vehicle at all.
- Cry with someone.
- Cry at all my kids events because I’m a cry baby proud mom.
- Stand up for my kids.
- Run a budget for my family and get us out of debt almost completely (Still have a mortgage)
- Still have acne
- Still saving for braces (someday)
- Still not have any idea what I want to do with my life
- Cook from scratch a lot
- Love comic books and movies (thanks to my husband)
- Love history (I choose documentaries on Netflix over sitcoms often)
- That I dropped out of college
- Volunteer at an elementary school
- Make my bed everyday
- Enjoy eating steak (I used to hate it)