Living to 27

I just turned 27 and I feel old. I don’t know what happened in the last week but I feel different. I use to have it in my mind I was a young chicken with little kids and I started early and I have this limber body that can handle anything. My husband and most my friends are several years older than me and it’s always given me this feeling of young innocence in comparison. My husband was telling me about a coworker and how he didn’t understand something he was doing and then he said “I forget he is 22 and in a different generation then me” and I sat there shocked to realize that I’m not part of the young generation anymore. I have a hard time thinking about what the future will be like, I don’t day dream of me or my kids getting older. I tend to focus on the now and not what is to come. Really the most thinking ahead I do is when I see my oldest child on a stage preforming and I wonder what my younger kids will be like at the age. Like, what will my two year old be like when he starts school? Ok that’s not true I dread what he will be like in school. So I never imagined myself as 27. In all honesty I never imagined myself with kids or really doing any of the stuff that has led me to 27.

I remember in high school just thinking of the days ahead of me, not the years. I thought that living a single life with only concern for myself and the few friends I had was going to be my whole life. I imagined myself living in a small apartment or house forever, never in serious relationships or having kids but I also remember thinking I would get bored of that. I didn’t realize there was so much more to life, this is sad but I can literally be quoted saying “I should die at 26 because I can’t imagine there will be anything fun to do after that.” Also “I don’t think I’ll have kids because I don’t what to push a kid out of there.” High school me would be in shock to know I love being 27 even if it is a little weird. High school me would probably die if she knew she pushed out three babies sans epidural and was completely empowered by it. But I think the most shocking thing for high school me would be that I learned to love, not just love but to trust and give unselfishly, I continually rip down walls to find growth in me that I always wanted in high school but never understood. So while I’m still not sure I’ll ever imagine a 40 year old Kandice, I’m finding that there are way cooler things to do at 27 than I ever thought.

 

A list of 27 things high school me would be shocked to know I have actually done. Mostly because I just like making lists.

  1. I let my kids puke on me. Gross right, but what are you going to do when they are puking and want comforted, put a towel on your chest and let them barf all over it.
  2. Birth 3 babies
  3. Get married. I literally thought I was going to be single forever.
  4. Run a half marathon.
  5. Haven’t done much yet but it’s high on my list when were are out of debt.
  6. Fall in love with Disneyland.
  7. Enjoy running, I mean come on I really do like it.
  8. Be a dance mom.
  9. Own a home
  10. Hate being a dance mom.
  11. Have two little boys to raise.
  12. Own a minivan.
  13. Who are we kidding own a vehicle at all.
  14. Cry with someone.
  15. Cry at all my kids events because I’m a cry baby proud mom.
  16. Stand up for my kids.
  17. Run a budget for my family and get us out of debt almost completely (Still have a mortgage)
  18. Still have acne
  19. Still saving for braces (someday)
  20. Still not have any idea what I want to do with my life
  21. Cook from scratch a lot
  22. Love comic books and movies (thanks to my husband)
  23. Love history (I choose documentaries on Netflix over sitcoms often)
  24. That I dropped out of college
  25. Volunteer at an elementary school
  26. Make my bed everyday
  27. Enjoy eating steak (I used to hate it)

 

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Grandma

My grandmother recently died. I don’t tell you this for sympathy, she was very old and ill and is in a much better place now. My mother told me she would be speaking at her funeral and told me I was welcome to also. My first reaction was fear setting in, oh man, that’s a lot of people, can I get up in front of that many people and clearly speak to them, and then the embarrassment from my aunt’s funeral came back in my mind. I got up in front of my family and my aunt’s colleagues (she was a very well know lawyer) and told a story about bunnies and snakes. It was terrible, I had thought for days about what to say and could not decide. I got up there and this story she told me about her old boyfriend popped into my mind and I told it, only later did it sink in that I told a story about her wanting to be a snake so she could kill her boyfriend who wanted to be bunny because they populate the earth. Well I’m going to blame that on pregnancy brain. Needless to say, that moment has haunted me. I feel it’s important for me to step up and speak at people’s funerals as a last farewell to them so they can look down on me from heaven and know I love and miss them. However, I was not going to go up there and embarrass myself again. This time I sat down and thought of lots of memories and wrote up what I wanted to say before the funeral. I wanted to share it with you also, so please enjoy the ode to my grandma:

 

To live 81 years is a long full life. I only knew grandma for a short 26 of those 80 plus years. When I think back, I can always remember how kind and interested she was. She always wanted to know how we were and how others were, the nick names of our kids, what we were up to and in return she always updated us on distant relatives. One thing she always wanted was to know everyone’s birthday even as she got older and the grandkids turned into great and great-great grandkids and she was good at remembering to give gifts to everyone. I know I’m not the only one with drawers and cupboards full of Avon from her. I remember once I spent the night with her at her old house, I played a little hand held pin ball game all night and the next morning she gave me a bracelet for no other reason than I was there with her and it felt so special to me. I am very sad at this loss to our family but I hope it can remind me that other’s birthdays are special things to remember, small acts, like giving a bracelet to a young girl can leave lasting memories and having a gallery wall of family photos in your hallway is always a good decision.

 

It was hard getting up there but, as I have said before, I want to look for more ways to step out of my comfort zone and this was a perfect way to do that for myself while honoring my grandmother.

 

On a brighter note: We have some awesome Youtube videos over on our channel you should go check out, also I post almost daily on my Instagram with a wide variety of fun things so head over there and give me a follow too. Just search anytimeharrison